Why are banshees the worst enemies in video games?

drinkyourfuckingmilk:

– they are mutated reaper versions of not just an already incredibly powerful race in the galaxy but a subset of that race called ardat-yakshi who specialize in literally fucking their victims until their brain rots out through their skull. 

– they look like a geiger alien and a crushed spider had a baby

– they have a metric fuckton of health AND a barrier shield protecting them so it can take ages to actually kill the fucking things and in that time you will be frantically running, rolling, dodging, shooting and screaming 

– they fire a devastating little warp of health-depleting death that basically heat-locks on to you so its almost impossible to dodge it, and it continues to suck your health from you for a while

– they also like to occasionally harness their biotic powers and just unleash a ridiculous and unfairly devastating blast of power that fucks up absolutely everyone within a five metre radius because being a murderous asshole isn’t enough for them.  

– they can teleport rapidly so if you’re fighting more than one of these fuckers (and you usually always are, dont even get me started on the final battles when you’re taking on FIVE of them at the same time) and you take your eyes off any of them for more than a second, there is a 99.9% chance you’ll turn around and ONE WILL BE CHILLING RIGHT BEHIND YOU STARING AT YOU LIKE YOU OWE IT MONEY

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– you can’t get too close to them or they WILL grab you by the fucking throat and impale you through the gut with their big-ass claws and it’s an insta-kill move, you cannot escape it once they have grabbed you and you are almost definitely going to die. and what’s worse is that you have to witness your squad mates getting murdered by these bitches and there is very little you can to do stop it except stand there with mmm watcha say blasting as you see your best friend brutalized into a shish kabob like 

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they sound like this ಠ_ಠ

I try to balance my short hair with very “femme” aesthetics or I start to feel really uncomfortable and today that just isn’t happening.

I’m wearing a polo and khakis because the customer is in the building so I just kinda feel like I’m like…Todd from IT

And it is not working out for me.

stu-pot:

ciiriianan:

sadoeuphemist:

writing-prompt-s:

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.

Arepo built a temple in his field, a humble thing, some stones stacked up to make a cairn, and two days later a god moved in.

“Hope you’re a harvest god,” Arepo said, and set up an altar and burnt two stalks of wheat. “It’d be nice, you know.” He looked down at the ash smeared on the stone, the rocks all laid askew, and coughed and scratched his head. “I know it’s not much,” he said, his straw hat in his hands. “But – I’ll do what I can. It’d be nice to think there’s a god looking after me.”

The next day he left a pair of figs, the day after that he spent ten minutes of his morning seated by the temple in prayer. On the third day, the god spoke up.

“You should go to a temple in the city,” the god said. Its voice was like the rustling of the wheat, like the squeaks of fieldmice running through the grass. “A real temple. A good one. Get some real gods to bless you. I’m no one much myself, but I might be able to put in a good word?” It plucked a leaf from a tree and sighed. “I mean, not to be rude. I like this temple. It’s cozy enough. The worship’s been nice. But you can’t honestly believe that any of this is going to bring you anything.”

“This is more than I was expecting when I built it,” Arepo said, laying down his scythe and lowering himself to the ground. “Tell me, what sort of god are you anyway?”

“I’m of the fallen leaves,” it said. “The worms that churn beneath the earth. The boundary of forest and of field. The first hint of frost before the first snow falls. The skin of an apple as it yields beneath your teeth. I’m a god of a dozen different nothings, scraps that lead to rot, momentary glimpses. A change in the air, and then it’s gone.”

The god heaved another sigh. “There’s no point in worship in that, not like War, or the Harvest, or the Storm. Save your prayers for the things beyond your control, good farmer. You’re so tiny in the world. So vulnerable. Best to pray to a greater thing than me.”

Arepo plucked a stalk of wheat and flattened it between his teeth. “I like this sort of worship fine,” he said. “So if you don’t mind, I think I’ll continue.”

“Do what you will,” said the god, and withdrew deeper into the stones. “But don’t say I never warned you otherwise.”

Arepo would say a prayer before the morning’s work, and he and the god contemplated the trees in silence. Days passed like that, and weeks, and then the Storm rolled in, black and bold and blustering. It flooded Arepo’s fields, shook the tiles from his roof, smote his olive tree and set it to cinder. The next day, Arepo and his sons walked among the wheat, salvaging what they could. The little temple had been strewn across the field, and so when the work was done for the day, Arepo gathered the stones and pieced them back together.

“Useless work,” the god whispered, but came creeping back inside the temple regardless. “There wasn’t a thing I could do to spare you this.”

“We’ll be fine,” Arepo said. “The storm’s blown over. We’ll rebuild. Don’t have much of an offering for today,” he said, and laid down some ruined wheat, “but I think I’ll shore up this thing’s foundations tomorrow, how about that?” 

The god rattled around in the temple and sighed.

A year passed, and then another. The temple had layered walls of stones, a roof of woven twigs. Arepo’s neighbors chuckled as they passed it. Some of their children left fruit and flowers. And then the Harvest failed, the gods withdrew their bounty. In Arepo’s field the wheat sprouted thin and brittle. People wailed and tore their robes, slaughtered lambs and spilled their blood, looked upon the ground with haunted eyes and went to bed hungry. Arepo came and sat by the temple, the flowers wilted now, the fruit shriveled nubs, Arepo’s ribs showing through his chest, his hands still shaking, and murmured out a prayer. 

“There is nothing here for you,” said the god, hudding in the dark. “There is nothing I can do. There is nothing to be done.” It shivered, and spat out its words. “What is this temple but another burden to you?”

“We -” Arepo said, and his voice wavered. “So it’s a lean year,” he said. “We’ve gone through this before, we’ll get through this again. So we’re hungry,” he said. “We’ve still got each other, don’t we? And a lot of people prayed to other gods, but it didn’t protect them from this. No,” he said, and shook his head, and laid down some shriveled weeds on the altar. “No, I think I like our arrangement fine.”

“There will come worse,” said the god, from the hollows of the stone. “And there will be nothing I can do to save you.”

The years passed. Arepo rested a wrinkled hand upon the temple of stone and some days spent an hour there, lost in contemplation with the god.

And one fateful day, from across the wine-dark seas, came War.

Arepo came stumbling to his temple now, his hand pressed against his gut, anointing the holy site with his blood. Behind him, his wheat fields burned, and the bones burned black in them. He came crawling on his knees to a temple of hewed stone, and the god rushed out to meet him.

“I could not save them,” said the god, its voice a low wail. “I am sorry. I am sorry. I am so so sorry.” The leaves fell burning from the trees, a soft slow rain of ash. “I have done nothing! All these years, and I have done nothing for you!”

“Shush,” Arepo said, tasting his own blood, his vision blurring. He propped himself up against the temple, forehead pressed against the stone in prayer. “Tell me,” he mumbled. “Tell me again. What sort of god are you?”

“I -” said the god, and reached out, cradling Arepo’s head, and closed its eyes and spoke.

“I’m of the fallen leaves,” it said, and conjured up the image of them. “The worms that churn beneath the
earth. The boundary of forest and of field. The first hint of frost
before the first snow falls. The skin of an apple as it yields beneath
your teeth.” Arepo’s lips parted in a smile.

“I am the god of a dozen different nothings,” it said. “The petals in bloom that lead to
rot, the momentary glimpses. A change in the air -” Its voice broke, and it wept. “Before it’s gone.”

“Beautiful,” Arepo said, his blood staining the stones, seeping into the earth. “All of them. They were all so beautiful.”

And as the fields burned and the smoke blotted out the sun, as men were trodden in the press and bloody War raged on, as the heavens let loose their wrath upon the earth, Arepo the sower lay down in his humble temple, his head sheltered by the stones, and returned home to his god.

Sora found the temple with the bones within it, the roof falling in upon them.

“Oh, poor god,” she said, “With no-one to bury your last priest.” Then she paused, because she was from far away. “Or is this how the dead are honored here?” The god roused from its contemplation.

“His name was Arepo,” it said, “He was a sower.”

Sora startled, a little, because she had never before heard the voice of a god. “How can I honor him?” She asked.

“Bury him,” the god said, “Beneath my altar.”

“All right,” Sora said, and went to fetch her shovel.

“Wait,” the god said when she got back and began collecting the bones from among the broken twigs and fallen leaves. She laid them out on a roll of undyed wool, the only cloth she had. “Wait,” the god said, “I cannot do anything for you. I am not a god of anything useful.”

Sora sat back on her heels and looked at the altar to listen to the god.

“When the Storm came and destroyed his wheat, I could not save it,” the god said, “When the Harvest failed and he was hungry, I could not feed him. When War came,” the god’s voice faltered. “When War came, I could not protect him. He came bleeding from the battle to die in my arms.” Sora looked down again at the bones.

“I think you are the god of something very useful,” she said.

“What?” the god asked.

Sora carefully lifted the skull onto the cloth. “You are the god of Arepo.”

Generations passed. The village recovered from its tragedies—homes
rebuilt, gardens re-planted, wounds healed. The old man who once lived on the
hill and spoke to stone and rubble had long since been forgotten, but the
temple stood in his name. Most believed it to empty, as the god who resided
there long ago had fallen silent. Yet, any who passed the decaying shrine felt an ache
in their hearts, as though mourning for a lost friend. The cold that seeped
from the temple entrance laid their spirits low, and warded off any potential
visitors, save for the rare and especially oblivious children who would leave tiny
clusters of pink and white flowers that they picked from the surrounding
meadow.

The god sat in his peaceful home, staring out at the distant
road, to pedestrians, workhorses, and carriages, raining leaves that swirled
around bustling feet. How long had it been? The world had progressed without
him, for he knew there was no help to be given. The world must be a cruel place, that even the useful gods have abandoned,
if farms can flood, harvests can run barren, and homes can burn,
he
thought.

He had come to understand that humans are senseless
creatures, who would pray to a god that cannot grant wishes or bless upon them
good fortune. Who would maintain a temple and bring offerings with nothing in
return. Who would share their company and meditate with such a fruitless deity.
Who would bury a stranger without the hope for profit. What bizarre, futile
kindness they had wasted on him. What wonderful, foolish, virtuous, hopeless
creatures, humans were.

So he painted the sunset with yellow leaves, enticed the
worms to dance in their soil, flourished the boundary between forest and field
with blossoms and berries, christened the air with a biting cold before winter
came, ripened the apples with crisp, red freckles to break under sinking teeth,
and a dozen other nothings, in memory of the man who once praised the god’s
work on his dying breath.

“Hello, God of Every Humble Beauty in the World,” called a
familiar voice.

The squinting corners of the god’s eyes wept down onto
curled lips. “Arepo,” he whispered, for his voice was hoarse from its hundred-year
mutism.

“I am the god of devotion, of small kindnesses, of
unbreakable bonds. I am the god of selfless, unconditional love, of everlasting
friendships, and trust,” Arepo avowed, soothing the other with every word.

“That’s wonderful, Arepo,” he responded between tears, “I’m
so happy for you—such a powerful figure will certainly need a grand temple. Will
you leave to the city to gather more worshippers? You’ll be adored by all.”

“No,” Arepo smiled.

“Farther than that, to the capitol, then? Thank you for
visiting here before your departure.”

“No, I will not go there, either,” Arepo shook his head and
chuckled.

“Farther still? What ambitious goals, you must have. There
is no doubt in my mind that you will succeed, though,” the elder god continued.

“Actually,” interrupted Arepo, “I’d like to stay here, if
you’ll have me.”

The other god was struck speechless. “…. Why would you want
to live here?”

“I am the god of unbreakable bonds and everlasting
friendships. And you are the god of Arepo.”

hyperionnebulae:

Interlude: I Just Can’t Look; It’s Killing Me

Leda wasn’t sure exactly how much she rolled up of the herb but that first hit had bite.

It had been awhile since she’d thought about… well her.

Moving forward was just what Leda did best, so it had taken this long for her to realize that she had never let herself cry about that day. It had only been, what, four years?

Damn.

She puffed out and watched the result dissolve into the air.

Do people… get over loss? Do they ever really… get to be okay? It just seemed very implausible of a concept, being okay.

She took another drag and sighed. She looked over this funky town and tried to smile but her mouth might as well have been weighted down to an anchor cast off a boat. She felt her eyes spill over just enough so that wiping them with her sleeve was necessary to appear… dignified maybe, if she had cared to be.

All worked up over a stupid, off-hand comment by uncultured riff raff. Leda knew it was beneath her to be hurt by such a thing and normally would have easily gotten past it and on to the next challenge. So why couldn’t she this time?

She cursed herself as she absentmindedly bit into her cheek. The next puff was tinted red.

They say marriage changes a lot about a person. Maybe her younger, more naive, self believed in some soul mate garbage, or light forbid, fate, but it had been four long years of fallout and Leda now knew that not everyone actually gets to live out their happily ever afters.

Leda snickered and ground out the butt of the joint, under her foot.

Lucky her, she skipped right to the “after”.

heedra:

the concept of a ‘party’ is one thats very necessary for a lot of tabletop games but can feel really weird when you think about it in a real world context. bc the average tabletop party vibe ranges from a believable band of brothers all the way to ‘people the teacher threw together on a group project except the group project is defeat a deathlord’. here is this weird arbitrary group of people i have to experience most of my important life activities with, some of them might be my best friends who im life bound to protect but others literally try to steal my kidney every time im incapacitated.