If he had a heart, it would have been beating out of control.
Sometimes he found it odd that he could feel things; on those days where he was reminded just how synthetic he was. However, the fact remained that he could feel things, or perhaps at least simulate those feelings. On those same days, he often wondered why. Why would they let him feel things? Why did he need to? He was mostly thankful for them.
But right now he felt fear.
Fear and confusion inspired by so much and yet so little. He should be happy, Proxy had said, after all, they were all alive. That was true, but the cost and events leading to their survival filled Sweeper with all manner of feelings; none of them positive. He didn’t trust corps, you couldn’t as a Shadowrunner, as a pawn. They are not a person, they are an entity, they are unpredictable. They are ethereal.
They do not like meddling deckers who thirst for knowledge.
Combined with those facts, the corp that a decker should fear most is Neonet. Nothing hampers progress more than the Grid Overwatch Division. Nothing hampers progress more than fried brains and burnt bodies. With so little truly holding him together, there was plenty to fear in GOD. Now they were expected to work with them. Now they were expected to follow tasks and act like good little children.
Now he knew GOD would be watching.
He wanted to badly to trust Proxy. She wouldn’t let anyone hurt him. She wouldn’t lead her best friend astray. She loved him, didn’t she? She did this to save them; why did he feel like he was in such danger? Why did he feel like his friends were in trouble? He wasn’t alone. The others felt it too. They had all belonged to Neonet once. Why couldn’t he remember? He never forgets anything.
He couldn’t let them back into his head.
Too many records: faces, places, secrets told in confidence, confessions in earnest, all of them stored forever with every last moment captured. Such things were too precious to too many people. He couldn’t let them get hurt; not because of him. Not because he let someone get inside his mind. He needed to be absolutely sure they couldn’t steal from him again. Not without a fight.
He needed to warn the ones who were already in danger.
The Professor said the payphone was broken, but that meant very little to a juryrigger like Sweeper.